Tuesday, February 14, 2006

hello

It feels weird to be typing my thoughts and posting them in cyber space. Why would anyone bother to read my ramblings?whofuckign cares right? i guess i want to give the toad a place to talk. where she cant be hurt or ignored or interupted. she saw evil up close and personal and she/we need a place to think aloud.

i talked to mh today about how i feel like i'm a black hole of love. there isnt enough love in the world to make me feel filled up and content and safe. when somebody loves me, i bleed them dry like a sucubus and dispose ofthem althe while making it their fault. thats what you get for lovin me. mh told me i need to find love in daily life, in hte bits of beauty in the world. theres love in the sunshine and hte beach and fresh air and freedom. theres no love in this airless little room. i feel like i've been run over by a train. i just want to go home but hte parasites are there waiting for me to entertain them. i promise to find ways to fill up the black hole. i think this is a start. i dont want to be a location mgr anymore. its all bullshit. fuck i want to smoke.

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