Saturday, February 18, 2006


i dont think that smoking is a way to fill myself up with happiness. its a way to fill myself up with poison and death, with giving up. i dont want to be filled up with shit or death- i want to be filled with love and occasionally bliss. i am very disappointed in myself for smoking. i want mike to come home and smoke with me and justify my crappy behaviour. if mike wasnt part of my life then how would this moment be? how am i going to feel if he doesn't have one? can i stand alone on this?


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