Thursday, February 23, 2006

poltergeist

Getting along better with Mike. Realizing the parallels between cohabitating with someone as an adult and my crappy childhood of fear and self loathing. Whenever anything with Mike and i isn't going perfectly, which is always because we are human, I get all wound up and angry because I just want to feel safe and secure in my home. I feel like the rug is being pulled out from under me and I wait to be betrayed. Then a certain 5 year old poltergeist starts stomping her feet and having a temper tantrum and I become unbearable. Usually at this point Mike starts gettign frustrated with me and says something vaguley unpleasant about whether or not our relationship is going to last- which reafirms my negative irrational beleif that I can never be in a happy relationship with anyone. Now that I can name the situation and be aware of it and calm down at the beginning instead of letting myself get all wound up, i stop myself from creating the tantrum and I ususally find a way to talk to Mike about what he is doing that is bothering me. It;s better when I let the adults handle things.

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